My Song To My Frens

End of the mth, invoice sent, browsing around while waiting for next mth's schedule ....
I know I've pasted this song here before but I'm sharing it again ....
because this song is SSOO about me ....
I NEED you my frens .... to Stand By Me ... even when you're not physically there,
being "there" spiritually & emotionally helps a lot too.
Thank you for your support all this while ..... it is very much appreciated.
Salam Ramadhan.

Final Quarter 2008

Coming to the end of August ........
ushering in the month of September ...
It's the beginning of the last quarter of the year.
I've got 4 mths to fulfill my 2008 resolutions.
6 kg to shed .. & i only managed to shed 1 kg.
Oh dear .. there goes my Demi Moore's body for The Good Ones reunion
next year.
Hemm ..
Aisyah wasn't around during our last reunion in 1999
She will be SOoo excited. She's always excited when it comes to meeting my frens.
Kali ni ... siapa ye yg paling saya nak jumpa .. besides An.
An mmg sudah tentu lah ...........
Rasanya Lela .... saya nak jumpa Lela ... teman "memekak" dalam kelas
HeHeHe

I must save for this reunion.
Buatnya diaorang pilih tempat eksklusif lagi macam dulu ...
bak kata An .. kereta diaorang tu makin menjalar so to them it's nothing
kita nilah yg haru nya ... tapi kalau tak pergi ... that's the only time we get to meet,
once in a blue moon, all of us, product of TKC 1979

Oh How My Heart Weeps

Ya Allah, I feel so alone now ...
in my fight to break this vicious cycle
and I weep .. I weep my hearts out
Alhamdullilah ... thank you Allah
for letting me know
that the one fren I thot would understand me most
actually chooses to be unwilling to understand ........
and my heart cries ... and cries .........

Ya Allah,
lindungilah anak-anakku walau di mana mereka berada
semoga mereka tidak mengulangi kesilapan ini .....
dan sejarah tidak akan pernah berulang lagi !!!

For every drop of tears that I shed
for every drop of blood that I bled
I will die in my quest if I need to
no mattter how alone I may be
the cycle will be broken ... insyaAllah
I am blessed with Allah's love
and THAT is enough for me .....

Smile

Smile
so the world don't see the pain inside
smile ...
so only God knows your heart is crying
smile ....
coz a smiling face is what the world loves to see ..
smile ...
and only God knows you're pretending

Shooting Star

Yes ... I'd like to shine
Shine particularly bright ....
like the brightest star in the darkest night !!!

Berat kepala ..

Berat kepala sebab dah 2 malam tidur lewat ..... 3.30 am baru tidor gara-gara nak menyiapkan transcription.
Antara tanggungjawab, bantuan dan gaji .... terikat ketiga-tiganya sekali .. sebab tu walau macamanapun saya tetap cuba menyiapkannya.
Tanggungjawab? - sebab saya telah berjanji akan melakukannya
Bantuan? - kalau saya tak siapkan, Yvonne terpaksa cari org lain utk siapkan & dalam waktu yg terhad, tentu saja akan menyusahkan dia.
Gaji? - yup, I get paid for a job well done & I need the money because this year saya nak beli Baju Raya saya sendiri. Dah berapa tahun asyik dapat baju free samada dari kakak atau adik.
So this time ... I want to buy my own walaupun yg murah.
The guys punya dah ada .. I mean dalam proses la ... dah tempah. Itupun minggu ketiga puasa baru siap. Harap-harapnya it turns out OK, tak perlu nak alter anything especially for Sulaiman sbb ukuran utk dia pakai ikut badan Shuib je since dia tak cuti.
Ukuran jubah dia pun ikut badan Shuib.
Itu yg Hajar duk musykil tu .."Ibu, ibu .. bukanke Ahmad lagi tinggi daripada Sulaiman?"
HeHe .. memang pun tapi Sulaiman sendiri yg suruh ikut saiz Ahmad termasuklah tingginya.

Risau nengok Si Duya ni .. cuti seminggu dia duk ngadap komputer, either main game or check his emails fr his frens or tengok U Tube (nasyid) .. tak buat ulangkaji langsung samada ulangkaji utk tasmiq mahupun utk PMR. Cuma yg senangnya Si Duya ni .. I don't have to remind him to pray. Alhamdulillah dia dah tahu tanggungjawab dia pada Allah swt.

Semoga Allah swt memberi hidayah pada anak-anak saya, Sulaiman, Ahmad Shuib, Siti Hajar, Siti Zahra, dan Siti Aisyah.
Ya Allah, berikanlah mereka kemanisan iman, kelazatan membaca AlQur'an dan kecintaan dalam solat. Amin.

I need to rearrange my schedule ... my head hurts. Apalagi dgn email yg saya baca petang tadi,
even my heart hurts. Menangis minda dan hati mengenangkan ...........



Setinggi seluas gunung dan lautan
Sejuta harapan di pertaruhkan
Beronak berliku jalan kulalui
Selagi berupaya kuteruskan

Alang kah sukarnya memadam bayangan masa silam
Di dalam keberanian terusik jua perasaan
Tiada hentinya memanjang kan doa semoga jiwa ini terus tabah

Sesungguhnya saat yang terindah hanyalah sementara
Yang terpahat dalam diri hanya kenangan dan nestapa Oh oh oh

Tak rela kuturutkan hati
Menyesali apa terjadi
Andainya begitu suratan yang tertulis diazali

Biarlah walaupun ku sepi
Sedih pedih dikhianati
Aku kan tetap terus mengorak langkah perjalanan ini

Ape Ape Aje 3

We ignore those who adore us
adore those who ignore us
hurt those who love us
love those who hurt us .....

Ignore those who adore me ???
I DON"T think so .... because as far as I know my children are the only people who adore me and as far as I know I have NEVER ignored them

Adore those who ignore me ??
Err .. adore ???

Adore is too strong a word for it ...

Something less than adore definitely ....

BUT ya ... he ignores me ... TOO BZ la .....

Hurt those who love me ??

Unintentionally .... my sincere apologies to them

Love those who hurt me ??

I'm not in love ..... so ....

****************************************

Rushing thru the weekend :-

Went back to KJG feeling Grr...

Sesampai aje ... terus simpan beg dalam bilik ..... pas tu masuk bilik MIL untk bersalam ngan dia

Tengok dia terbaring atas katil terus ghaib segala Ggrr ...

"Mak demam ke Mak??" Saya rasa dahi dia .. Alhamdulillah, tak panas

"Tak, kaki Mak ni yg sakit"

Dia tunjukkn kaki dia yg sakit, something she never did before, saya letak tgn saya atas bhg yg sakit,

malangnya saya bukan perawat.

Tapi Alhamdulillah juga, esoknya sakit dia berkurangan & dia dapat ikut kami jenguk adik

& menantu dia yg sakit di Hospital Selayang.

Nasib baik juga kami dtg ziarah mereka ... dua-duanya keseorangan.

BUT one with good excuse lah .... so he didn't mind.

As for hubby's aunt .... tak tahulah saya nak cakap apa.

Udahlah masa tu dia dipindahkan dari ICU ke wad

So it was a blessing we came ..dapatlah juga tolong bawakan all her personal stuffs.

In fact masa nak pindahkan dia ke katil baru, it took 2 nurses & me

I was thinking .... at a time like this, she needs her children most of all, especially for their emotional support. Masa nak balik tu jadik serba salah pulak sebab tak sampai hati nak tinggalkan dia sorang-sorang

And then when we visited hubby's BIL, he was telling me he didn't tell his brothers because he didn't want to bother them ..

Huh ?? ... ini lain pulak halnya ni .....

"Patutnya beritahu kan ??"

I was nodding away like "u shud nanti apa-apa hal berlaku sure mereka kesal" ....

but then I was also thinking of the same thing b4 when I was hospitalised ..

pandai lak suruh org beritahu .... sendiri pun sama jugak .. ahaks

Anyway, he called his brother & inform him there and then.

HeHeHe ... berpengaruh jugak aku ni ye ....

At the same time I called my youngest sister who is spending her holiday in Penang & told her, "Kalau ada masa singgahlah jenguk Abang Din kat Island Hospital"

AND my Bad ... I knew of the accident on Monday but only told my eldest sis abt it on Sat.

Terlupa ... genuinely terlupa that my sis & my SIL are good frens so surely she would want to know if her good fren ditimpa kesusahan.

Aduhai .... gitulah when frens become family. Tak beritahu as a family kena juga beritahu as a fren

ni bukan just frens .... best frens Man ... nasib baik tak kena sembur ngan kakak.

Dalam kalut mengejar waktu tu, sempat juga bagi kata semangat pada hubby's nephew

yg sedang menjalani kursus A Levels dgn biasiswa MARA. "Don't worry, you can do it .. bla,bla,bla"

I am blessed and I count my blessings that Allah swt grants me the ability to be compassionate

and care for the people around me & make them happy. (without denying my true feelings)

Alhamdulillah I came back from KL

meninggalkan semua org dalam keadaan mereka merasa gembira & they know they can count on us.

And I know my husband is also very pleased because I was there for his family.

Mudah-mudahan Allah swt melimpahi kami dengan rahmat dan kasih sayangNYA. Amin.

I believe in ALLAH

Sometimes you have to run away
so you can see who will run after you
sometimes you have to talk softer
just to see who is listening
sometimes you got to step up in a fight
just to see who is by your side
sometimes you got to make a wrong decision
to see who is there to fix it
sometimes you got to let go of the one you love
just to see if they love you enough to come back

// walaupun rindu sangat ...... ingin sekali mendengar khabar darinya, apart from being extremely busy ........... namun saya tidak mahu menganggu,
tidak mahu menjadi pengemis menagih sebuah persahabatan .....
saya titip rindu saya pada ALLAH swt, pada TUHAN yg Maha Mengetahui //

Ape-ape aje 2

i) Menonton sinetron Solehah tadi buat saya terkenangkan seorang kawan saya yang baik. Dulu selepas kuliah kami sama-sama berlumba ke kantin. Selalunya saya kalah. Bila sampai di kantin di ruang minuman dah dipenuhi dgn siswa-siswa yg sememangnya lebih tinggi dari saya. Dialah yg jadik "hero".
"Khalina, yg biasa ke?"
"Ha ah.." ... dia paling tahu minuman kegemaran saya ....
Bahagia masa tu dapat kawan sebaik Aminuddin.
Sekarang ni kawan baik seperti itu memang sukar kita jumpa.
Kadang-kadang bila terkenangkan kawan-kawan inilah jadik takut nak gi hospital
Lagipun memang dah pernah terkena.
Alamak nama macam kenal je ..... Ha engkau, kawan sendiri yg periksa
Aduhai .. malunya.

ii) Tadi saya terbaca sesuatu yg membuat saya jadik sedih.
Mungkin ia tidak ada kaitan dgn saya tapi bila saya baca terdetik dalam hati seolah-olah ia memang ditujukan pada saya.
Kalau benar ingin sekali saya katakan "kamu tidak tahu betapa saya amat menyayangi dia ... kehilangan dia amat melukakan hati ... kehadiran dia memberi saya semangat untuk terus berusaha .. saya tahu hanya saya saja yg menghargai dirinya sedangkan dia tidak sekelumit pun menghargai saya ... saya tahu itu ... tapi saya tetap menyayangi dia ... & nobody, NOBODY understands that BUT ALLAH swt"
You can say whatever you want to say ... I don't expect you to understand.

iii) Recently, I kept on thinking abt tumors / cancer. Tup! Tup! dapat berita biras saya menghidapi ketumbuhan dan perlukan chemotherapy.
Tak lama kemudian, my head keeps on spinning abt accidents ... Tahu tahu another biras kemalangan & seriously injured
Tadi saya tiba-tiba terfikir tentang seorang teman ... rupanya dapat msg she added me as a fren at Facebook.
Well ... Alhamdulillah bila firasat itu ttg sesuatu yg mengembirakan.
Saya jadik takut bila firasat itu ttg tragedi.

iv) Sebenarnya dulu saya pernah tulis ttg kematian & people got me wrong & said I was giving up.
I attached a song "Bye-bye" by Mariah Carey to that posting. Dalam lagu tu sebenarnya ada senikata :- "We will NEVER say bye-bye...."
What I understood was :- when a person who we love very much passed away, we will NEVER say Goodbye to that person because :-
If he/she is a family, he/she will always be a part of us ..
If he/she is a good fren .... he/she will always be at the back of our mind & in our hearts.
Just like Arwah Zainab is always at the back of my mind, I still remember her giggles & her husky voice. Her constant, "Khalina, pinjam buku ....", "Khalina, tolong I ....", "Khalina, tunjuk I macam mana nak buat ..."
I still have the autograph she signed.
Semoga Allah swt mencucuri rahmat ke atas rohnya. Amin.
So what I was hoping was ... if I pass away ... people, pliz don't say Good bye to me ..........

v) Ya Allah, aku mohon .. berilah aku sahabat yang benar-benar menyayangi aku seadanya. Amin.

Selamatkan Dunia

Ya Allah selamatkanlah kami dan dunia ini

Words of Wisdom

"Old friends are best. King James used to call for his old shoes; they were easiest for his feet."
John Selden

"It is easy to say how we love new friends, and what we think of them, but words can never trace out all the fibers that knit us to the old."
George Eliot

"Friendship never forgets. That is the wonderful thing about it."
Oscar Wilde

"To know someone here or there with whom you can feel there is understanding in spite of distances or thoughts unexpressed that can make this life a garden."
Goethe

"From quiet homes and first beginnings, out to the undiscovered ends, there's nothing worth the wear of winning, but laughter and the love of friends."
Hilaire Belloc

"A friend is a person with whom I may be sincere. Before him, I may think aloud."
Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Wishing to be friends is quick work, but friendship is a slow ripening fruit."
Aristotle

Ape-apa je lah ...

i) I thot I was good enough at hiding my emotions ...
then Aisyah came up to me & said, "Why are you sad??"
Huh??? KANTOI !!!
ii) "Siapa accident??" "Pak Uteh" "
Oh ... pakcik yang tak pernah senyum tu .?"
"Hah.. Pak cik yg tak pernah senyum?"
"Takla .... jarang senyum ... macam Cik gu Roshalida" Huh??
She corrected herself but it's still NOT a compliment, is it?

a) I'm sure there are many who received "Someone got a crush on you" spam mails and also "Someone wants to meet you" spams by Tagged
Well .. I received them too. Lucky they go into the Bulk folder so all I have to do is empty the folder like .... there .. TRASH !!!
Anyway ... I'm not that type of lady
Furthermore ... I've already got my eyes set on one guy. Couldn't wait to meet him ....
Who?? What do you mean WHO??
Rasulullah saw lah .. siapa lagi ....
b)" I've got time ..."
I can be very busy but I'd say I have time
So How come you have the time???
"I make time lah "... Huh ??
I make sure .... no matter what .. to put in at least a few minutes of a day or a week to say "Salam" to my frens or ... do whatever ( a year or a month is too long .. your fren might be dead by the time you have the time to say "Hi")
I believe that if we don't make time for some thing then it means it's not important to us.
My frens are important to me so I make time for them .....
That said ... I know I'm NOT important to my frens.
BUT like I said to someone b4, just because my frens stop bothering abt me does not mean I should stop bothering abt them. Selagi hayat masih ada ... I will always care abt my frens sekalipun mereka telah melupakan saya. InsyaAllah, dengan izin dariNYA, I will. Ku mohon restu dariMU Ya Allah.

Kenapa Sayu ??

Entah kenapa hati rasa sayu sejak akhir-akhir ini ....
mudah saja airmata mengalir
Nasib baik airmata paling laju meluncur dalam solat, ketika mengadu tentang kesayuan ini pada Tuhan, walaupun sebenarnya DIA lebih tahu ...
dan DIA juga lebih tahu tentang apa yang tersembunyi .. my unconscious self
no matter how hard I try to consciously hide the truth.
The fact is ... ALLAH swt knows ..... and ALLAH swt knows why I feel the way I feel
& why I do the things I do ....

Walau bagaimana pun, Ya Allah swt ... aku sadar betapa kerdilnya aku
dan segala sesuatu itu berlaku di atas izin dan kehendakMU.
Maafkan aku .... restui dan sayangilah aku

Friends Forever !!

Oops !!! Sorry, I did it again ...... my bad !!!
Yes .... Ok .. I understand ... we're frens
we'll always be frens
I admit I'm a very emotional person ... kuat merajuk
BUT you accept me as I am, right ???
Lagipun, you pun kuat merajuk jugak
BUT we accept each other as is
Thats why we're frens forever !!! InsyaAllah.
Dengan izin dan restu Allah swt. Amin.

No Obligations

Being a true fren is not an obligation
being there for your fren is also not an obligation
so ... you're free
you can do whatever you want
you can be a fren or if you don't want to be my fren
it's up to you .... NO OBLIGATIONS!!!

Bukan Pengemis

Kamu menyombong ye ??
Udah berapa kali Ina "menyapa", kamu tak menyahut pun ...
walau sepatah kata "Hi", pun tidak
Kalau gitu ... tak apalah

Ina bukan pengemis
juga bukan manusia yang "hidung mancung, pipi tersorong-sorong"
Ina tahu diri kok .....

Ampun dan Maaf di atas semua salah dan silap
dari hujung rambut ke hujung kaki
dzahir dan bathin ........

Semoga kamu berbahagia selalu ....
Selamat di dunia dan akhirat, di dalam pelindungan dan di bawah naunganNYA.

Siapakah???

Tatkala semangatku hampir hilang

siapakah yang membisikkan kata semangat

agar aku terus kuat

dan bertahan

sabar menghadapi dugaan

Tatkala dahan bertaut hampir patah

siapakah yang sanggup membantu

menopang dahan teduhku

agar aku tetap tabah

meredah gelombang

Apakah kamu akan terus berlalu

benarkah lelah menjadi temanku ???

Budi bahasa

Yang merah itu saga
Yang lorek itu kendi
yang indah itu bahasa
yang elok itu budi

True Friends

13.H Ali (as) pg 319 of Tuhuful Uqool said: A true friend is that who regards in misfortunes, absence, and after death.

14.Imam Sadiq(as) pg 491 of Tuhuful Uqool said "Brothers are of three kinds: one is that who offers his soul for you and the other offers his wealth for you. These two kinds of brothers are genuine. The third is that who takes from you what he wants and needs you for enjoyment. You should not reckon him with the trustful (friends)."