Friday, March 30, 2007

Permintaan Terakhir


Kalau ALLAH mengizinkan

saya mohon permintaan terakhir

ALLAH yang Maha mengetahui

apa yang tersirat di dalam hati

izinkanlah

sebelum saya pergi ...........

Thursday, March 29, 2007

I've Lost A Fren

I was at your house
but you had the gate locked
so I went away ....

I tried to call you on the phone
but you switched your lines
so I stopped calling ........

I sent you emails
but you never replied
not even a single line or a simple "Hi"

I understand the message now
you don't want to be my fren anymore
I'm sorry I was such a bother ........ I'm Sorry

Tali persahabatan terjalin atas izin ALLAH
dan terputusnya juga kerana kehendak ALLAH swt ......
maka saya kembali berserah pada ALLAH swt

Yang saya tahu, saya tidak akan memutuskan tali persahabatan, terutamanya dgn mereka yang amat saya hargai

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Aku dalam cahaya

Bangkitlah wahai Roh yang letih
pulihkan kembali semangat
walau dalam sesaat
percaya hilang semua

Lihatlah dengan mata hati
dengar dengan telinga naluri
dapatkah kamu merasakannya??
dapatkah kamu mendengar ???

Ku kirim bisikan dalam bayu
ceria di dalam cahaya
semoga bersemangat kembali
wahai Roh yang letih

Who Am I ???

From A Personality Test that I took :-
At your core, you're meant to be a Protector. You are 71% in line with the Protector role. This indicates that you have an exceptional gift for guiding and comforting others when no one else is willing or able because you actually feel their pain as if it were your own. If you could insulate those you love from all hardship, you would consider that your greatest accomplishment. You offer caring and thoughtful advice that helps others heal and move in a positive direction, but you don't call attention to yourself, choosing rather to selflessly give to others in order to make the world a better place. Your sense of duty and exceptional work ethic serve that end as well.
i)In your professional life :-
You would feel most comfortable being in a position in which you could exercise your natural inclination to serve and protect others. You have an exceptional capacity to care for those in need and you will feel the most fulfilled when you are making a difference in the lives of those people. Your work ethic will be greatly appreciated, as you are not afraid of long, hard hours, but watch out for your tendency not to allow yourself to have personal time to enjoy life. In addition, be careful not to take the whole burden of a job upon your shoulders, refusing to delegate duties to others. You may end up worn-out and not recognized in the way you deserve.
ii)In your personal life :-
You are very likely a fiercely loyal, devoted friend and family member. Often these relationships are the most important part of your life and in some cases, can cause you to feel possessive of loved ones. You may tend to avoid conflict when possible and can even hide your personal pain or hardship because you feel it will burden others, though all it may do is make them feel shut out. Your natural inclination is to be invested in your home life and be depended on to take care of what needs to be done there to make it comfortable. Your protective nature may cause you to be a bit overprotective with children, and so it's important to make it clear that your inclination is based on your desire to shield them from hardship and peril.Your sense of duty and caring make the world a better place to live.

a) Adventurer
You tend to have a strong desire for creative freedom at work. You may feel constricted and constrained when you are not able to explore your impulses. You will do best in an occupation where you feel you are having a real impact on something you feel is important. In your relationships, you probably tend to have strong roots planted in your home and family. You value loyalty and stability in your family members and although you value your freedom, deep down you appreciate knowing that you can count on those closest to you.
b)Advisor
You tend to have a distinct ability to attain what you want with your negotiation skills. Your competitive drive and work ethic are your strengths. You probably have a keen eye for opportunities that benefit your strategic goals and are willing to do what is necessary to achieve your objective. In your relationships, you tend to be outgoing and gregarious. Your excitement and zest for life is exciting for others to be around and people are naturally drawn to you. Some may find you a bit cold at times due to your resistance to being overly sentimental, but your wit is entertaining and the confidence you exude is often endearing to people.
c) Advocate
you tend to be a detail-oriented, pragmatic person at work. You do your best work in a step-by-step approach and can be counted on to complete tasks. You may want to steer clear of situations that are constantly changing or unpredictable, as it can lead to frustration for you. In your relationships, you probably also tend to be steadfast and faithful. You probably lean more toward traditional values than others, and people know that you can be relied upon to keep your commitments. You uphold the values of manners, hard work, and duty, and may feel most comfortable with people who do likewise.
d) Builder
You tend to enjoy the tasks that allow you to roll up your sleeves and achieve a goal that you personally believe in. You pick up skills quickly and are able to use tools well when necessary. In your relationships, you tend to be a quiet and caring person. You probably value your personal space but enjoy spending time with close friends and family in unstructured get-togethers.
e)Director
You work well alone and are well liked by your co-workers. You may tend to place greater value on home and family than other parts of your life. You are likely quite constant and steadfast through difficult times with loved ones. You tend to be a great friend and playmate to those you are close to, although you may have a tendency to put up a protective barrier to prevent people from getting too close, and this can hamper your relationships at times.
f) Explorer
You have an exceptional empathy and would probably feel best about a career that was making a difference in people's lives. Your self-sacrifice can be a double-edged sword, as it can make you feel fulfilled, as well as taken for granted. In your relationships, you probably tend to be friendly and conciliatory. You are very likely a fiercely loyal and devoted friend and family member. These relationships often are the most important part of your life, and your concern for the health of these relationships may cause you to avoid conflict at the expense of your true feelings.
g) Facilitator

Your devotion to duty makes you a strong asset to your co-workers. You follow the rules and uphold the law, making others feel comfortable putting their trust in you. Your punctuality is valued, attention to detail relied upon, and your measured approach is appreciated. You do your best work in a step-by-step approach and can be counted on to complete tasks. In your relationships, you tend to be reliable. You are probably a source of strength for those you love, and they know that you can be relied upon to keep your commitments.
h) Influencer
You tend to be a dynamic, influential leader at work. Your power of persuasion will allow you to set and achieve goals effectively. In your relationships, you tend to be entertaining, positive, and confident. Your zeal for living is endearing, and people find you exciting to be around.
i) Inventor
In your career you tend to be a thoughtful, positive, and intelligent worker. Your logical abilities are strong, and your work ethic is unwavering. You tend to be precise and technical in the way you create and look at the world in terms of what can be used in your creations. You do your best work when you have freedom to explore new ideas rather than performing familiar tasks repeatedly. In your relationships, you tend to, at times be withdrawn. You are probably not the most social person you know, and may not throw many parties in your home, but others appreciate your kind, quiet, honest approach. You often prefer an analytical approach to interpersonal relations and that may tend to hinder your emotional connections with those you love.
j) Leader
You tend to be a careful tactician who is able to mastermind large projects at work. Your ability to see the "big picture" and the ways to handle potential problems makes you a valuable asset to any organization. You tend to be a quiet but effective leader. You are probably judicious in your scheduling and are fairly unemotional about what is needed to do a job right. In your relationships, you tend to be caring and loving, if a bit removed. You tend to be willing to put forth great effort but may also tend to repress some of your emotions. This may make personal relationships tough for you to keep at times. Your tendency toward perfectionism can be a recipe for disappointment when dealing with matters of the heart, as questions of human nature rarely have black and white answers.
k) Manager
You tend to be a sturdy and dependable contributor to any organization. You are often one who will ensure that the rules and procedures are maintained for the greater good. You can be counted on to uphold standard and tradition and to ensure that people are focused on the job at hand. You would probably excel in a position that requires an unbiased judge to maintain order and efficiency. In your relationships, your loved ones can usually count on you to send cards or gifts in a timely manner. You probably have great respect for your elders and make an effort to keep their traditions alive. With children, you may tend to be firm, stressing the importance of manners, hard work, and duty.
l) Peacemaker
You tend to be introspective, thoughtful, and creative at work. You adapt well to new situations and can complete a high-quality project without a supervisor looking over your shoulder. You can handle complex tasks and enjoy having some diversity in your work to keep your mind stimulated. You tend to become emotionally involved in work you believe in. In your relationships, you tend to be sensitive, dependable, and loving. You are probably willing to compromise and sacrifice for those you love and have the capacity for a great deal of empathy. You are sensitive to subtle changes in the mood and well-being of those close to you and try to lift people up when they are down.
m) Performer
You tend to be a quiet planner at work. You are a strong-willed, logical thinker who is well organized. In your relationships, you tend to be giving, loving, and thoughtful. You probably enjoy being with a small group of close friends and value the simple things in life.
n) Protector

You tend to feel most comfortable being in a position where your natural inclination to serve and protect others is utilized at work. You have an exceptional capacity to care for those in need, and you will feel the most fulfilled when you are making a difference in the lives of people. In your relationships, you often put your friends and family ahead of your work, which doesn't go unnoticed. You may tend to avoid conflict when possible and can even tend to hide your personal pain or hardship because you feel it will burden others. This can cause people to feel shut out from you. Those closest to you are comforted by your selfless and dependable nature.
o) Provider
You tend to enjoy being in charge at work. You are skilled at delegating responsibility and have a strong work ethic. You take your job seriously and may have a hard time not taking your work home with you. In your relationships, you tend to be kind and selfless. Your loving loyalty is the foundation for your close personal relationships and will allow you to withstand any extreme hardships. You value your friends and family greatly, and your social, entertaining nature causes people to be drawn to you.
p)Teacher
You tend to have a natural ability to lead. Your charisma and interpersonal skill are probably your greatest assets in your career. You would probably make a very successful entrepreneur due to your belief in your dreams and your ability to see the big picture. You are able to pass along information and enthusiasm to others, and often bring out the best efforts of those with whom you work. In your relationships, you tend to be a caring and loyal person who also values cooperation. You tend to seek harmonious relationships and your empathy for others is exceptional. Your generous and giving nature creates strong relationships, as you are willing to give your time and energy to make sure your loved ones are happy. When it comes to your partner, be aware that your idealism may create conflict.
Only people who knows me in person could say whether the above are true or not
AND only ALLAH knows me inside out !!!
"Its only words & words are all I have to take Your Heart Away !!!"

Monday, March 26, 2007

Two Different Worlds


We live in two different worlds

its hard to see

how our paths will ever cross

is there ever a possibility???


Friday, March 23, 2007

Link ???


Isn't it good to know that we always have a friend to link up ???

Birds & Bees

Do you know that birds take turn to feed ???
Everytime I feed the birds at the back of my house, the first to appear would be the chickens.
Yup ... chickens... my neighbour's chickens
"Amboi ..... banyak cantik muka kau....tuan kau tak bagi makan ko ???"
When the chickens left, the doves and sparrows take over.
Then when the doves leave, the mynas will come.
The mynas never fly in before the doves leave but both the doves & the mynas
will feed without being bothered by the sparrows.
Now isn't that nice ..... So why can't we humans be like that ???
"Setiap orang ada rezeki masing-masing"
Unfortunately, humans have the tendency to be paranoid don't they ??
like "ni nak potong trip aku lah ni" so often we find neighbours quarrelling over trivial issues
Hemm.......

ii) Bees ...... ATTACK !!! Huh ???
Teachers at my daughter's school had their "Operasi Menghapuskan Sarang Lebah"
Luckily no one got stung. Phew !!! Alhamdulillah
Gee they must be experts
I remember when my husband did his operasi at his mom's place.
He got stung right on his head. Ouch !!!

Huh ??? What ??? Oh, you thought I was going to talk about that "Birds & Bees"
HeHeHe .......... Nah I'm not that "open"

Saturday, March 17, 2007

Hilang

Mengapa menghilang
tiada terlihat kelibat
tiada terdengar suara
sekalipun sekadar "salam"

Usahlah menghilang
biar pun cuma bayang-bayang
masih juga dapat ku lihat
walaupun diam

Wahai sahabat
sedih aku kehilangan kamu
maafkan aku kiranya aku bersalah .........

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Menanam Tekad !!!

Sebenarnya memang saya telah menanam tekad sejak awal Tahun Masihi 2007
dan juga awal Muharram 1428 H yang lalu. Tapi perubahan yg saya impikan terhalang
atas sebab tertentu.
Kini saya menanam tekad lagi.
Pada saat ini tepat detik 12 malam Khamis 15 Mac dan permulaan hari Jumaat 16 Mac 2007
saya menanam azam yg baru.
Sebagaimana kita berusaha utk mencapai kestabilan ekonomi sehingga setiap kali apabila wang berbaki ( setelah ditolak segala bil & hutang)
kita agihkan 30% utk pelaburan, 30% utk derma, 30% utk perbelanjaan & 10% utk simpanan
begitu jugalah kita perlu agihkan waktu dalam sehari/ seminggu utk melaksanakan
tanggungjawab berikut demi kestabilan psikologi .... iaitu tanggungjawab sebagai
i) Hamba ALLAH swt & umat RasulALLAH saw
ii) sebagai isteri dan ibu
iii) sebagai anak/menantu dan sebagai adik/kakak
iv) sebagai sahabat
v) sebagai jiran / ahli masyarakat
vi) diri sendiri
Utk v) - aktiviti mingguan sebagai Qariah di Masjid Taqwa telah sedia ada
Utk iii) - all round phone call juga memang sudah menjadi kebiasaan, cuma tidak ada masa yg tetap utk membuat panggilan & setiap cuti sekolah memang diperuntukkan 5 hari 4 malam
utk balik KL. Tentu saja jumlah hari akan berubah kalau ada acara tambahan spt khenduri.

Utk ii) - sedia maklum, yg penting makan minum terjaga mengikut selera suami & anak-anak;
pakaian & rumah terurus ie kemas & bersih ....
Yg koyak dah ku jahit,
yg patah riuk, :-o huh ??? - alahai tak pandailah nak bertukang
Err .... laman rumah je ade kureng .... sebab bab cucuk tanam ni memang saya tak reti,
saya tolong siram pokok boleh la :-p
Utk iv) - saya berusaha utk tidak terputus hubungan tapi kalau org dah tak sudi nak berkawan dgn kita lagi ...
hemm .... kita pun tahu dan sadar diri .... :-(
Utk i) - yg ini lah yg saya sedang cuba perbaiki ...
kita ada 24 jam dalam sehari, 6 jam utk tido tinggal 18 jam
memandangkan saya menghabiskan masa 6 jam mengadap PC, 6 jam utk menguruskan rumah
& melaksanakan tanggungjawab ii), makanya saya patut juga menghabiskan 6 jam utk i)
Tapi selama ni tak sampai 6 jam pun .... mana perginya masa yg telah saya buang ???
Hha tu la .....
Dgn ini saya bertekad utk mengagihkan waktu saya supaya lebih berkesan lagi
mesti sama banyak .... masa utk ALLAH dgn masa utk manusia !!!
Oh ye .. masa utk vi) diri sendiri - menulis ni kira masa utk diri sendiri la, selain daripada mandi, berhias, pakai baju, jaga kesihatan & kebersihan diri etc ...etc .... etc.
Apalagi nak ??? Dah tua dah .... bersedia je la

Thursday, March 08, 2007

Starting Over !!!

Kerana hidupku kian terpinggir
semestinya saya menjauhkan diri .... pergi
jauh sejauh-jauhnya

May ALLAH swt help & guide me so I won't be taking the wrong steps or making the wrong decisions for my own benefit & happiness in this world & hereafter.

Monday, March 05, 2007

Menulis dari hati

Saya juga menulis dari hati
luahan sanubari
tatkala airmata saya tukar jadi tinta
lalu saya rangkai menjadi kata-kata
walau tidak halus dan tidak indah

Dan hidup saya bukan sekadar merasa
bahkan memang kian terpinggir
biarlah saya ukir lukisan jadi kenangan
di langit senja yang biru

Sunday, March 04, 2007

Kubur

Years ago when I saw the malay movie Batu Belah Batu Bertangkup
I criticised the mother ... like "Alah ... takkkan pasal tu pun nak merajuk sampai sanggup kena telan dgn Batu Puaka"
Now that my own life is going topsy turvy I have begun to understand how she must have felt.
So ya .... sometimes I felt so disappointed & sad that I wished the earth would just open
up & swallow me ...... like take me away GOD, let them live without me, its better for them if I'm gone
But I do realise that until I have completed my duty as khalifah on this earth, it won't be my time to leave. Just like the prophet .... only when the addeen is completed was he called away.
Even so, not directly after his duty was completed but a few days later .... so he had time with his family & frens before it was finally the time.
Since I'm no special person ... I will not know when ..... so I have to keep preparing myself
and I don't even know if my preparations are accepted.
Its odd though that sometimes I get premonitions about losses within the family.
I thot it was my "warning" then as it turns out .... its someone else's, hubby's cousin
my BIL's brother ... wonder if ALLAH will allow me to have premonitions if
its my own ...........
Past few days I keep seeing a face I've never seen since my uncle died. We are not close
because she stays in JB while the entire family either live in KL or Selangor.
Like my late uncle who chose to "merantau" & stayed in JB, I am now "merantau" &
staying in Pekan
I used to say I was born in KL, grew up in KL .... & will die in KL, insyaALLAH.
Now I have to say.... I was born in KL, grew up in KL but I don't know where I'll die
My late uncle came back to KL when he was very ill ... managed to meet him & apologised before he passed away a few days later. He was buried in KL.
When I was a teenager I told my frens (while talking about how we picture our future) I've never pictured myself living to be an old granny .... & I told them that I'd probably die alone without a grave.
Recently while the road construction workers were working on expanding the
Kuantan - Pekan road, some workers found 2 graves of a brother & sister.
I wonder what was the story behind their death & why were they buried there in that secluded area.
It would be sad to die alone & without a grave ...
But .... siapa yg nak datang ziarah kubur jauh-jauh kat Pekan ni ???
Lebih baik tak de kubur .... tak menyusahkan org nak "jaga"

Yang Buat Kamu Bilang "jangan"

Sebenarnya saya masih menunggu cadangan utk memperhalusi puisi ini
agar ia menjadi lebih indah.
Dan saya juga tidak tahu hendak memberi tajuk apa pada puisi ini.
Tetapi seorg sahabat memberi respon yg bertajuk "jangan" makanya saya memberi
tajuk spt di atas kpd puisi ini ...... :-)
Soalnya .... puisi ini mengisahkan manusia yg "hanyut" di dalam pujian dan
kemewahan yg diperolehinya sehingga dia lupa pada kisah silam yg perih.
Hidupnya kini di kalangan warga elit ..... sehingga tidak mahu lagi bergaul dgn teman-teman
yg dulunya menjadi teman akrab sama-sama membanting tulang,
yg berat sama dipikul yg ringan sama dijinjing
Teman-teman lama dipinggir kerana tidak lagi setaraf dgnnya ................

Kamu yang lama terbiasa
dipuji melambung tinggi
kerana bicaramu pintar dan bernas
kamu berbakat menulis puisi yang indah
dengan bahasa yang gah
kini diresapi rasa megah

Kelmarin aku bagai bermimpi
tidak menyangka
kata-katamu terselit sindiran menghina
memandang rendah pada kami
apakah kerana rumah sebesar istana
meluncur dengan kereta mewah
menjadikan kamu "buta", sama seperti mereka
yang dulunya kamu berjanji tidak akan seperti ini ........

Puisi indah yang kamu tulis
bukankah lahir dari hati
luahan sanubari
yang kamu kutip ilhamnya dari pengalaman
kehidupan dan persekitaran
apakah dipuji dan dipuja menyebabkan kamu lupa ???

Dan akulah yang paling sedih
melihat kamu bagai enggang yang terbang menuju mentari
yang paling khuatir kamu terbakar nanti

Thursday, March 01, 2007

Nenek Kebayan

Seorang Nenek Kebayan
tinggal di hutan, terpencil
terasing dari dunia yang canggih

Tapi nenek sibuk juga macam orang lain
Nenek perlu cari daun ulam dan ubat-ubatan
perlu kumpul kayu api,
timba air di sungai atau perigi
Hey .... siapa kata Nenek Kebayan goyang kaki ???

Cuma ..... walau nenek kebayan sibuk
nenek masih punya waktu
buat teman-teman
apalagi buat cucu-cucu

Uhuk ...uhuk ..... jap ye ...... nenek nak gi luruskan pinggang jap ........