Semalam aka Yesterday

Balik dari Kuantan semalam selisih dgn 3 org ibu
Seorang , bas sekolah dah sampai, anak dia salam tangan dia & cium pipi
Sejuk hati dan mata memandang .....
Seorang lagi, bas sekolah tak sampai lagi , jadi siibu & anak duduk berbual ...
Juga sejuk hati dan mata memandang
Yang sorang lagi .... dia tolong lintaskan anak dia, lepas tu dia kembali ke tempat asal

Saya rasa antara 3 org ibu tadi .. yg ketiga akan menjadi ibu yg paling kesal jika sesuatu terjadi kepada anaknya tanpa disangka-sangka ....

Malam pulak tengok berita tentang anak murid Kelas tadika (4 tahun) meninggal kerana kemalangan. Bapa dia tenang aje menerima takdir Allah swt. Saya yg tengok kat TV tak tertahan airmata.
Akhir-akhir ini ... entah kenapa ... memang saya cepat hiba

Tapikan .... petang semalam saya dapat upah aiskrim Cornetto sebab jadik "office-girl" di sebelah pagi ... pergi bank, bayar itu, bayar ini. Dia dok je ... jadik BOSS dalam van.
Dan dia tak tahu ... masa saya menunggu giliran di MPK , there was this guy looking at me tak berkelip bijik mata ...
I was thinking .. aku pakai baju terbalik ke
and my sister said I don't look good in blue ... tulah pasal aku pakai biru so I don't look good..
I don't want to look good while I'm waiting in line .....
Hemm...

Don't compare your life with anyone else's .... you don't know the journey they have to go through
You took my heart away when my whole world was grey
You gave me everything a little bit more ...............

Men in Uniforms

How would you react when men in uniforms come to your house ??

I was alone when 5 of them came, with their stern looks
and that "we have the authority" air around them
My conscience is clear.
I have nothing to be guilty of
& yet .... my heart was pounding like crazy
I was scared .... not because I'm afraid to be fined
but because there is that unspoken fear ...
what if they're bogus
or what if they're real but with bad intentions
Afterall , I was alone ..........

Ok ... its my wild imagination .....
They were real & they had NO bad intentions
BUT they didn't issue anything either ...... so why did they come ???
Saje nak ngacau ketenteraman orang ???

Buaian untuk Aisyah & Zahra

Semalam Abah buatkan buai untuk Zahra & Aisyah,
seronok dia tengok anak-anak dia terkekek-kekek ketawa
Yup ... anything for his two "angels"
He's even planning to take them to The Bird Park this coming Chinese New Year Holiday
since Aisyah loves birds
For now ... boleh la mereka nyanyi lagu "Laju ..buaiku laju ...." (Bawang Merah Bawang Putih)
sambil naik buai.
Jangan nyanyi "aku nak kahwin dengan anak Raja ... " udah le
Tak payah lah Dik ... nanti nak datang jumpa Ibu pun malu,
maklum le rumah Ibu rumah teres satu tingkat, kecil dan sempit ......
Mudah-mudahan bila adik dah besar dan berjaya nanti, adik tak lupakan Ibu, ye Dik ???
Ikut rasmi padi ye ... makin berisi makin tunduk

Adik = kedua-duanya dipanggil adik walaupun sebenarnya salah seorang adalah kakak.
Aisyah lebih suka dipanggil kakak. Lama juga baru dia terima kenyataan bahawa
dia adalah anak bongsu. Tak ada adik lagi selepas dia. Hehe
Jadi Aisyah tak mungkin jadi kakak ....
Dan Zahra ?? ... dah terbiasa panggil dia adik sebelum ada Aisyah.
Lekat pulak gelaran tu kat dia ....... hehehe
Oh Well ...... as long as they are not confuse and happy with it, its fine with me
Afterall, I've been in a confusing situation before .. Ina bercakap dgn Ina & kedua-duanya membahasakan diri sendiri "Ina" so to those who were listening, they went "which Ina ??", confused . Ha Ha ha

Frens ???

This is another one that touches me everytime I listen to it ....
sbb lagu ini membawa kisah saya sendiri ....
The malam pesta part never happened la ....
I would never do that ....
Pergi pesta ??
Nak mampus !!!
It was just a similar case of 2 frens who got to know each other
I ended up in University .. he ended in ... I don't know where
all I know is he went "astray"
Pada Azman aka Mon ***, Ina memang terkilan Mon *** terjebak
tapi Ina tidak pernah memandang hina pada kamu .... :-(

Friends Forever

Sentimental ???

This is one cartoon movie or in today's term : anime
that could actually make me cry ... Waa !!!
So sad ....
Tambah pulak nama karektor dia Tina, kiranya ada sipi-sipi la dgn nama saya
Pas tu lagu latarnya pulak ... alahai .... sentimentel lak

I can't stop loving you
its useless to say
so I'll just live my life
of dreams of yesterdays

Err .... contrary to that, I DON'T live my life dwelling on yesterdays
though I may never forget what had happened in the past
I have no intention of living a life feeling sorry for myself
There are better things to do Man .....

Rainy Season

What I learned during the rainy / banjir season :-

a) Ibu :" bla ..bla ..bla .. tahu "
Anak : "Tahu"
Ibu : " bla..bla ..bla faham"
Anak : "faham"
Setelah beberapa minit :-
Ait ni apahal pulak kata tahu & faham tapi tak gerak-gerak lagi ni ....
Ggggg .... ha engkau MENGIGIL !!!
Nope ... bukan menggigil takut .... menggigil SEJUK!!!

Hemm .. When its too cold, don't expect their brain to compute !!!

b) This rainy season also made me more emosional. Usually I'm not "mudah melenting"
but musim hujan ni kan ... mood ada sikit "lari" la
lagi pulak it always have been :-
tomorrow you didn't, yesterday you won't,
coz I know everything you say you're gonna do, you don't .......
I know what love wasn't I know what love isn't
so when you say you're gonna change you gotta be kidding
I'm just tired ............ and yet!!!
I still believe that someday you & me
will find ourselves in love again ....... ( Hemm ... really ??? do I ???)
**************************
All I know is
you've got to give me everything
nothing less coz
you know I give you all of me
I'm giving you everything that I am
I'm handing over everything that I've got ..........
stay up till four in the morning & the tears are pouring
& I want to make it worth the fight
what have we been doing all this time ??? .............
**************************************
I'm a dreamer am I not ???

Let GO !!!

I want to let go of my pain ........ since I fell out ...... falling into history



Love may still exist in another place .............
rhythm of my heart is beating like a drum ......
never will I roam
for I know my place is home
where the ocean meets the sky, I'll be sailing
****************************
When the sun shines we'll shine together
told you I'll be here forever
said I'll always be your fren
took an oath gonna stick it out to the end
now that its rainning more than ever ...........
you can stand under my umbrella

Four in The Morning

Waking up to find another day
The moon got lost again last night
But now the sun has finally had its say
I guess I feel alright
but it hurts when I think
When I let it sink in
It's all over me
I'm lying here in the dark
I'm watching you sleep, it hurts a lot
**********
& all I know is
You've got to give me everything
Nothing less cause
You know I give you all of me
#####
I give you everything that I am
I'm handin' over everything that I've got
Cause I wanna have a really true love
Don't ever wanna have to go & give you up
Stay up till Four In The Morning & the tears are pouring
& I want to make it worth the fight
What have we been doing for all this time?
Baby if we're gonna do it, come on do it right

All I wanted was to know I'm safe
Don't want to lose the love I've found
Remember when you said that you would change
Don't let me down
It's not fair how you are
I can't be complete, can you give me more?
***************
& all I know is
You got to give me everything
& nothing less cause
You know I give you all of me
########
I give you everything that I am
I'm handin' over everything that I've got
Cause I wanna have a really true love
Don't ever wanna have to go & give you up
Stay up till Four In The Morning & the tears are pouring
& I want to make it worth the fight
What have we been doing for all this time?
Baby if we're gonna do it, come on do it right

Oh please, you know what I need
Save all your love up for me
We can't escape the love
Give me everything that you have
***************
& all I know is
You got to give me everything
& nothing less cause
You know I give you all of me
########
I give you everything that I am
I'm handin' over everything that I've got
Cause I wanna have a really true love
Don't ever wanna have to go & give you up
Stay up till Four In The Morning & the tears are pouring
& I want to make it worth the fight
What have we been doing for all this time?
Baby if we're gonna do it, come on do it right

Hak Allah swt

Saya akan sentiasa ingat :-
Semua yang ada di dunia ini adalah hak Allah swt.
Suami, anak-anak, ibu bapa, mertua, ipar, adik beradik, sedara mara ...
kesemuanya termasuk sahabat, rakan dan taulan adalah hak Allah.
Oleh itu DIA berhak utk mengambil mereka kembali .. samada dengan cara mematikan mereka dengan mengambil roh mereka lalu mereka meninggal maupun dengan cara mematikan rasa kasih sayang dan cinta mereka terhadap saya.
Saya harus terima dan reda bila itu terjadi .........
Dan saya harus berterima kasih kepada Allah kerana telah meminjamkan mereka kepada saya selama waktu yg DIA izinkan.
Saya pasrah.
Andainya saya tiada lagi kesempatan walau untuk mengucap selamat tinggal,
andai saya tidak sempat bertemu muka sebelum memejamkan mata, saya redha .........

InsyaAllah

Had a weird dream : I was looking at the sea & it was bergelora... the turbulence was scary
In the background people were reciting the zikr : La ilaha ilallah led by a non-muslim.
I know, in the dream, that the people following the recital were aware that they were being led by a non-muslim & that to the non-muslim it was just a joke
So I asked: "boleh ke kita ikut zikir yg diketuai oleh bukan Islam??"
I looked back at the sea & to me it was getting worse so I told my husband "lets go home"
Then I woke up.
Coincidentally this song is also about the sea :-

Terciptalah
lagu ini untuk kita
dari laut bergelora
dan mengundang bencana ... oh , oh
andai kata bumi ini
tak berdaya tak tertanggung
beban dusta gundah gulana meledaklah

Di mana Kau yg ku cinta
dalam hati mungkin mimpi
Kau di mana dalam jiwa sanubari
sedang mengujiku
dengan hakiki cinta sejati
hanyutlah aku di lautan rindu
redakah kita dengan bencana ???
tabahkah kita dengan takdirNya ???

** chorus **

insyaAllah jawabnya

Semoga Allah mengisi hatiku dengan cinta hakiki ... Amin

Sebaik Arini ???

Hemm..... betul-betul buat saya hilang mood
Suddenly I feel like I'm being used ... AGAIN ???
As an ex-graduate and ex-teacher it really makes me go .. Duh ???
Saya pernah baling buku anak murid saya keluar pintu ... in fact it went flying to the ground floor (we were on the first ... or second ??? I can't remember) because it was obvious he had not put any effort in his assignment.

Saya cukup benci orang yg suka merungut ....
dan org yg "membising", pok pek sana pok pek sini macam dialah org paling rajin & paling byk buat kerja sdgkan sebenarnya dia tak buat apa-apa, yg buat kerja org lain, dia ambik nama je ..........
juga saya benci dgn org yg tak buat kerja langsung, asyik tido memanjang ......

Saya bukan Arini (karektor dalam Siri Mutiara Hati)!!! DAN saya tidak mungkin sebaik dia.
so no need to bodek me ... I can read through yr lies
Its like one giant prawn behind a teeny weeny rock (pebble ???) !!!

Blame Everyone else BUT Yr self ???

I'm tired of all these jabberings & bickerings & bla-bla bla bla ......



I understand that there's some problems
And I'm not too blind to know
All the pain you kept inside you
Even though you might not show

If I can't apologize for being wrong
Then it's just a shame on me
I'll be the reason for your pain
And you can put the blame on me

Said you can put the blame on me
said you can put the blame on me
said you can put the blame on me
You can put the blame on me

1429Hijrah

How I greet 1429H ?
I don't believe the things people say as easily as I used to ...
I learn every time I bleed
That truth is a stranger
People say things & I go ... "Hemm .. iye ke ??/are you sure ??/you really mean that ???... I don't think so"
How am I different today ??
Sceptical .... ya, I'm more sceptical now than I was last year
I'm sick of playing all of these games
It's not about taking sides
When I looked in the mirror, didn't deliver
How I feel about this coming year???
I wish I can make it all stop .... all these pain and hurt
People can't hear the cries anymore because they are so busy listening to their own voices.
Won't they just SHUT UP ... all they do is talk while those who they are supposed to defend and protect are still left vulnerable & helpless.
AND I wish I can do much more ....... so much more !!!

What I will always bear in mind :-
Since friendship is a ship, it can sink like The Titanic
and eFrens like me will be the fastest to "sink" aka forgotten.
I just hope that when I "sink", if I "sink", I'll leave behind some good "memories" (e-Memories???)
BUT I do know that there are people I will always remenber & will always remain in my heart like permanent tattoos......

Just like A Tatoo

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ....
No matter what you say about love
I keep coming back for more
Keep my hand in the fire
Sooner or later, I'll get what I'm asking for
No matter what you say about life
I learn every time I bleed
That truth is a stranger
Soul is in danger, I gotta let my spirit be free
to admit that I'm wrong
And then change my mind
Sorry but I have to move on
And leave you behind

[Chorus]
I can't waste time so give it a moment
I realize nothing's broken
No need to worry 'bout everything I've done
Live every second like it was my last one
Don't look back
got a new direction
I loved you once, needed protection
You're still a part of everything I do
You're on my heart just like a tattoo
(Just like a tattoo, I'll always have you
I'll always have you, I'll always have you)

I'm sick of playing all of these games
It's not about taking sides
When I looked in the mirror, didn't deliver
It hurt enough to think that I could stop,
admit that I'm wrong
And then change my mind
Sorry but I gotta be strong
And leave you behind

[Chorus]

If I live every moment
Won't change any moment
Still a part of me and you
I will never regret you
Still the memory of you
Marks everything i do

[Chorus X2]

Sorry, You Can Put The Blame On Me

As life goes on ..... I'm starting to learn more and more about responsibility
And I realize that everything I do is affecting the people around me
So I want to take this time out
to apologize for things that I've done
the things that haven't occurred yet
the things that they don't want to take responsibility for

I'm sorry for the times that I left you home
I was on the road and you were alone
I'm sorry for the times that I had to go
I'm sorry for the fact that I did not know

That you were sitting home just wishing we
Could go back to when it was just you and me
I'm sorry for the times I would neglect
I'm sorry for the times I disrespect

I'm sorry for the wrong things that I've done
I'm sorry I'm not always there for my sons
I'm sorry for the fact that I'm not aware
That you can't sleep at night when I am not there

Because I'm in the streets like everyday
I'm sorry for the things that I did not say
Like how you are the best thing in my world
And how I'm so proud to call you my girl

I understand that there's some problems
And I'm not too blind to know
All the pain you kept inside you
Even though you might not show

If I can't apologize for being wrong
Then it's just a shame on me
I'll be the reason for your pain
And you can put the blame on me

Said you can put the blame on me
said you can put the blame on me
said you can put the blame on me
You can put the blame on me

I'm sorry for the things that he put you through
And all the times you didn't know what to do
I'm sorry that you had to go and sell those bags
Just trying to stay busy til you heard from dad

You would rather be home with all your kids
As one big family with love and bliss
And even though pops treated us like kings
He got a second wife and you didn't agree

He got up and left you there all alone
I'm sorry that you had to do it on your own
I'm sorry that I went and added to your grief
I'm sorry that your son was once a thief

I'm sorry that I grew up way too fast
I wish I would have listened and not be so bad
I'm sorry that your life turned out this way
I'm sorry that the feds came and took me away

I understand that there's some problems
And I'm not too blind to know
All the pain you kept inside you
Even though you might not show

If I can't apologize for being wrong
Then it's just a shame on me
I'll be the reason for your pain
And you can put the blame on me

Said you can put the blame on me
Said you can put the blame on me
Said you can put the blame on me
You can put the blame on me

I'm sorry that it took so long to see
But they were dead wrong trying to put it on me
I'm sorry that it took so long to speak
But I was on tour with Gwen Stefani

I'm sorry for the hand that she was dealt
And for the embarrassment that she felt
She's just a little young girl trying to have fun
But daddy should of never let her out that young

I'm sorry for Club Zen getting shut down
I hope they manage better next time around
How was I to know she was underage
In a 21 and older club they say

Why doesn't anybody want to take blame
Verizon backed out disgracing my name
I'm just a singer trying to entertain
Because I love my fans I'll take that blame

Even though the blame's on you
Even though the blame's on you
Even though the blame's on you
I'll take that blame from you

And you can put that blame on me
And you can put that blame on me
You can put that blame on me
You can put that blame on me

End of 1428H

Tahu-tahu hari ni dah hari terakhir 1428H
and 9 days into the year 2008
So ... what have I done so far ???

As far as 1428 H is concerned, I've managed to do 2 things :-
i) hug and kiss my MIL everytime we part. That is to say I'm sorry for all the things I did wrong
and I'm leaving everything that went wrong between us at the doorstep. Not going to think about it pass that doorstep !!!
ii) filled my time with something more productive than talk ....

9 days into yr 2008 :-
Hemm ... all of a sudden there is so much to do in so little time
I'm supposed to do this ... I'm supposed to do that
and semuanya perlu tindakan segera
Err .. Ya Allah .. boleh tak bagi slow sikit detik waktu yg berlalu ???
supaya sempat saya melaksanakan tanggungjawab :-)

AND for those yang masih tak berhenti lagi merungut .....
can you pliz shut ???
Ok la .... You want to put the blame on sumone
You can put the blame on me !!
or you can put the blame on Akon !!! .... ahaks
(My Music Corner for Akon's Sorry, You Can Put The Blame On Me)

My Angel - The Joy of My Life !!!

Taking a break fr creating Aisyah's corner. She saw her sister's study space & she insisted on having one of her own so I said she can have her space in her brother's room.
(since the boys are at their hostels)
BUT please stay away fr yr brothers stuffs ..
Hemm .. boleh ke Minah ni ???

A few days ago she was playing her "make believe" game
She makes believe that she's a make-up artist for a bride .... with me being the bride
I cheekily said, " Ni Ibu nak kahwin ngan siapa lak ni .....???"
"Main-main je la .... "
Hu yo ..mare ke ???
"Kalau ibu mati, Ichah bagi tak Abah kahwin lain...??"
Dgn muka yg serious dia jawab, "Bagi "
Aduhai ... tak de "loyalty" langsung Minah ni ...
Then I got to ask la ... "kalau abah meninggal, Ichah bagi Ibu kahwin lain??"
with the same muka yg selamba ...."Boleh"
"tapi kalau dia baik la ...."
"oh..."
"Macam mas Aji ..."
Uu aa la ..... gara-gara Mutiara Hati rupanya .....
kalau macam tu .. amacam kalau kita suruh dia tgk cerita Cinderella ke ...
Bawang Merah Bawang Putih ke .... yg Ibu Tirinya macam hantu
Err ... ada tak cerita yg Bapak Tiri nya macam hantu ??

My Sadness .... The songs I'll sing in sadness & The Best Singer Ever !!!

I'm feeling sad today .....
My children are packing their bags & leaving me ....
taking a part of me with them ....
AND ... I'm missing my frens

People can say Jac's the best or CT's the best
Me ... I still say this woman is THE BEST !!!

2008 - The New Me !!!

Instead of becoming embroiled in the rhetoric, sidestep the bullies of the world and use the power of this aspect to better yourself -- and humankind.

Now that is a good advice !!!
I'll definitely take heed ......

Tahun baru .. semangat baru, azam baru, cita-cita baru, jadual kerja baru ....
wardrobe baru = baju baru, tudung baru, kasut baru
new skincare, bodycare & haircare regiment
new cosmetic
err .. pokoknya semua serba serbi baru !!!
Hehehe

Wah banyak duit aku ..... poket dah berlubang, nak tukar serba serbi baru, nak mampus !!!
Elok-elok Pak We aku ketawa, kang dia buat muka "I want to eat you" kang .... niaya aku

TAPI Yang penting tahun ni .... segalanya berubah.
i) Rutin harian berubah : I have to spare my evenings for my nephew - I promised to give him online tuition
mudah-mudahan boleh membantu - improve his performance for UPSR 2008
ii) wardrobe baru - not exactly baru - just rearrange & sorted them out accordingly... then pass whatever that can be passed down to my daughter.
iii) those regiments & cosmetics - have to la ... what works when I was 35 does not work anymore so ....
I'm getting really old now ... saya tahu & selalu sadar diri Sob! Sob !! Sob!!!
Err .... excuse me, I'm proud to be 45. Sebaya dgn Demi Moore, kalau body macam dia kan bagus .....
Now THAT can be my new year "target" ...... kan..kan...kan

BUT basically, inside, I'm STILL the SAME me !!!
InsyaAllah, saya tidak akan lupa diri & saya tidak akan melupakan sahabat-sahabat saya,
dengan izin & restu Allah. Amin.


I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined
I'm just beginning, the pen 's in my hand, ending unplanned

** Staring at the blank page before you
open up the dirty window
let the sun illuminate the word that you cannot find
reaching for something in a distance
so close you can almost taste it
release your inner vision
##Feel the rain on your skin no one else can feel it for you
only you can let it in .... no one else
no one else can speak the words on your lips
d'fend yourself with words unspoken
live your life with arms wide open
today is where your book begins
the rest is still unwritten

I break tradition sometimes my tries are outside the line
we've been conditioned to not make mistakes
but i can't live that way